By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
