and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
