Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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