in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
