Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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