he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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