That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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