i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
