I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
