shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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