How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
