My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Couch. On fire.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
