worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she peed on how many people?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
