Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
