***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
