..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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