I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
