u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
