This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
