I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I understand Curling. That high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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