how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
