my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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