New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
