How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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