Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
