Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
