What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize