i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
