I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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