I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were destined to go to rehab together
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
