Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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