sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
