my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
