I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize