I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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