I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
