You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
