We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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