Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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