I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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