I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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