Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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