you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
