Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
