i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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