After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
