Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
