awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
