And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
