I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
