I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
