He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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