It's like God shit irony all over that family
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
