i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Enjoy the penises
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
