in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
