shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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