I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
