dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
