hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my poor anus
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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