Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
