she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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