There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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