i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
