i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
