chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
