kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
