no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
