he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
