ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
