is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
