I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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