mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
