his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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